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Dec
31
All the Single Lawyers
Filed Under • A Day In The Life Of...
Nicole Marchand is a beautiful 31 year old attorney, who is surrounded by black men–during the week she prosecutes them and on Sundays she roots for them as an Atlanta Falcons cheerleader. Still this aspiring judge does not have a husband. Will the madness? Steve Harvey says not until black women start dating older men like him…
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5 Responses to “All the Single Lawyers”
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Economic analysis may help explain black men marrying non black women. Economics is loosely defined as the allocation of scarce resources. Think of a “decent man” as some combination of social awareness, income, education (not necessarily schooling), & character. Decent men are a scarce resource. White, non black women have trouble finding a “decent” man– and non black women are in the market for a decent man.
More over, white women get media endorsement: Most films have someone say “She’s beautiful” when it just ain’t so… Many black men succumb to such propaganda.
Joseph Mitchell
As a caucasian man, I was brought up to see beauty in caucasian women. Imagine my astonishment when I discovered that Asian women are stunning and that black women were outrageously gorgeous. When I first told my mother of my new girlfriend when I was about 23, she asked, “is she black?” She wasn’t.
In the early 90’s, I met and got to know numerous black women, and after my marriage dissolved, I began dating one (and then another, and so on).
At one point in that period of time, a lovely young woman asked me if I knew “any good black men.” My response was, unfortunately, true: “If I knew any good black men, I wouldn’t know so many black women.” This was not intended to be negative, simply factual. My job and my social circle, as it were, did not provide me with opportunities to meet other men who happened to be black.
When I began to visit (and eventually join) what was ostensibly a black church, I began to meet more and more wonderful black men. If that sister was still around the area, I’d fill her in. At the same time, I definitely see a strong contingent of single black women in my church, many of whom have had failed relationships with the men in their lives. I’m now married to a West Indian native, and we’ve done marvelously.
To call myself multi-cultural is a more apt description than caucasian, and I’m pleased to be able to respond to your commentary. After reading the column last week in USA Today, I felt a yearning in my heart to share my viewpoint.
follow-up and correction time: my quote should have read “good black women” instead of simply “black women.” it was as true then as it is now.
Having just read the column in USA Today I looked up the original here on the website. What I see here does leave me wondering, and I think Steve Harvey has a lot of good points. Where he is wrong is in saying younger single black women need to date older men like himself. All that accomplishes is to deprive older black women of the opportunity to meet and match with men their age. If anything date younger. That is the way to balance out the gap, the younger you go the more are available.
He did get it right on the unrealistic expectations of the women he spoke to. Looking for Mr 6′5″ is hardly a matter of standards too high, but rather too shallow. If the man has to stand on his toes to look you in the eye, but always speaks the truth when he does, maybe you should lower your height expectations, and raise your standards.
I have yet to figure out just what it means to settle.
For the woman who hit it off with the white man, but it didn’t go any further, next time he says see you around, take the initiative just a bit. Tell him it would be a lot more likely if he called you, or gave you his phone number. Don’t put it all on the man.
Remember, a white man may be a bit more shy with a black woman, for fear of appearing pushy or out of line. It’s new to him too.
Also, keep in mind, 1% of white women marrying black men accounts for 6% of black men. Turn that around, and 1% of white men can account for 6% of black women. If you think you can’t find 1% of white men who could be interested in a black woman as lovely, well educated, and accomplished as you, maybe you better rethink that. Maybe even 2%. Take the initiative, just a bit.
I am a 38 single black woman who understands what these women. I grew up with the focus to become a self-sufficient woman. I currently hold a BS and JD, make a good living, travel regularly, live in a comfortable home but without anyone to share my life. I’ve been told by some relative to have a child by a good friend or adopt an orphan. Friends tell me to get a pet. I don’t think my problem was having the high standards many black women are critized for maintaining. My problem was that I never took the time out to think or understand that having a life companion was also important. When I turn 39 this summer, I will likely take a trip alone (as usual) to celebrate the beginning of another year of my life. I am thankful for my life and since this is the life I know, I can’t 100% say I would do things differently. I would love to share my life with someone but until that happens, I will live my life (albeit often lonely) but live it just the same.